Memories... & Sarah Brightman's Eden

I fell in love with Sarah Brightman when I was young, and she was still working with Andrew Lloyd Webber. I remember my music teacher played us a copy of her singing some songs from The Phantom of The Opera. That is where the obsession began.I instantly fell in love. I had never heard anything so beautiful in my entire life. It was as if an angel had fell from the sky, and just started singing. When I realized,she was only a mere mortal, I decided I was going to learn and train myself t sing just like her.It became my private quest. I have given many concerts to the walls of kitchens and bathrooms. My favourite time was at the cottage.Sitting on the dock, just belting it out to the water. You see, no one at any of these times liked opera or classical. The only people who did were older people.My friends were all interested in different groups,and so was I even, but this was my secret passion. I remember when I was in high school and met Josephine.She would grab me and say "sing something for me Rachael". I was always so shy about it, but I did it anyway and the look of happiness on her face was something that I was not used to. She would never want me to stop,so it was always "Jose,I gottta go, or i'll be late for class". I remember one time she made me sing infront of all of these people.She just grabbed me and told everyone that they had to hear me sing and I did.I had never ever done that before. Sang infront of strangers by myself. It was always with a choir or my friends or someone else. Then my life changed.After my parents had picked out my school schedule, I had two remaining slots for extra classes. So it was easy, drama and vocal class. I never realized it then, but both these classes would change me so much. Especially the latter.

I met my teacher Mrs Linda Gatto, a real life angel among lesser creatures. One of her tests was that we sing alone,infront of the whole class. I thought I was going to die. I remember one time,she caught me hiding under my desk, because I didn't really want to do that. There were all the girls in the class, that you can tell they had always been nurtured. They had always been told that they were good and the people around them supported what they did. I had never had that.All I was always told to do was focus on grades and that that stuff was a waste of time. But this, this was so different. I think she saw that in me. That secret I had hidden in me for years, she was trying so hard to pull out into the open. And what got me, was that she was the first person in my life who truly believed in me. Other teachers had always told my parents that they should encourage my singing.They even convinced my parents to let me join the choir even.This was different. This was the first person that didn't try to convince my parents, but me.Who wanted to show me, what I could be.The first person who actually looked at me, and saw ME. I began to flourish, I had never been so happy in my entire life.It's amazing what you can accomplish when SOMEONE believes in you. She was the best person. Everytime I looked at her I felt as if I was looking at someone not from this earth. She had adopted her 3 children from Kosovo, and every year I think it was, she would take crates and crates of stuff to the little children in the orphanages in China. I guess that is what started my dream of adopting a chinese baby. I had never in my life met such a person.My grades even got better.That year I think they were the best they ever were.

Tragedy struck. Mrs. Gatto had been secretly battling many internal cancers,and then one day, she was gone. I was crushed. It was as if I had lost a parent or something. Someone who had meant so much to me. I don't even think she knew how much she meant to me. And like all people who grew up cold and living in their heads, I receded back into myself. I went to her funeral and everything. I didn't feel anything. I didn't cry. I didn't believe she was gone. I expected to walk into class and tell her about a new song I heard or something. I went home, I changed, I went to the library with Angel to do our project, and then it hit me as I sat there staring off into space. She wasn't here anymore,I wouldn't see her again. My life went into a dowmward spiral. I hated everyone and everything. I hated God (how could he just sit by and let things like this happen ?), I hated my parents, I hated school. I hated life.I sank into a deep depression, but this time, there was no one to pull me out. That was the roughest time of my life. I pulled away from everyone. I rebelled against everyone. What good was worring about my stupid grades and everything when my life could easily be snuffed out by the very guy I had spent my whole life believing in and praying to. As if we were all nothing to him.Just numbers. Why did it have to be her ? Why not some child molester or murderer someone else. I lost my desire and my will to live. I felt alone, isolated, floating on a deflating raft in the middle of the ocean. My life changed again.

It has taken many years for me to talk about Mrs Gatto. And even more, to make me start singing again. I have resorted to my old relationship with singing. Giving concerts sometimes when no one is around.For many years,I would open my mouth and no sound would come out. I remember when I worked at Blockbuster, I rented this Hilary Duff movie for my brother Michael (because he had a huge crush on her). It was something about singing,and Aidan from SATC was in it. While I was cleaning,I put it on (like I do a lot with movies) and I just listened. I put down my broom and I become so interested in the movie. For the first time in my life,I was starting to realize what had happened to me. I saw me. I never saw the ending to that movie. I couldn't really handle it,so I turned it off in between. Lori-Anne tried so much to make me my old self again. Me and her would karaoke in the middle of my living room with Jay's band equipment. I still live a lot in my head. I am still a little cold. In Sarah Brightman's music though, I see what could have been and what has transpired. I remember Mrs Gatto. I remember all that she did for me.I think this cd means so much to me mostly too,because for the first time in my life,I was going to sing a Sarah Brightman song out loud for others to hear and Mrs Gatto had been helping me before she got really sick. The last time I ever sang infront of a lot of people, I remember I choked. If she had lived, I was supposed to be singing my Sarah Brightman song,but I never did.I hope wherever she is, she is happy now, and at peace. And as for me, I don't know. I am like the broken China vase that needs a lot of time and really good glue to fix. But no matter how much you try,even if you succeed, there will still be shards missing.

Here are a few songs from my favourite Sarah Brightman cd "Eden". I love all the songs, but the song "Only An Ocean Away" makes me remember Mrs Gatto. It still, even to this day, makes me cry.The song "Deliver Me" is the song that really does me in. It makes me think. It doesn't matter in life what you do or how much money you make. What matters is the people that you love and the lives you touch. ~