Another day, another vist to the ER

Ok, so I am getting pretty terrible. Especially because now people are starting to remember me. I was at work and I started to get really bad cramps. I went into the ER at like 8:45 - 9:00 and I didn't leave until the morning.

They started checking me for the cramps.I had to do a pee test. I had to get a pap test done (just to make sure there was no bleeding).I guess the triage nurse had noticed that my blood pressure was a bit on the high side, but I always tell them that its probably because i'm nervous. They checked me a couple of hours later when they were going to let me go home and that was the beginning of an even longer night.

I was seen by like 4 doctors. They were all really nice, but I was so tired and hungry. I kept eating Werthers to keep my sugars up. The nurse that was doing my blood pressure started freaking out because it was apparentely really really high. I dunno why. She was hitting the machine like it was broken. Then she was asking me why would it be so high, did I know. How could it be so high, when all I had been doing was sitting here.I started to get freaked out.

Then the doctor came in with so many questions and no matter how chipper I tried to act,I was fizzing out. He was talking to me about preeclampsia and high risk pregnancies and that, it scared me, but I just wanted to go home. It seemed like it was too much to take in at once.. all by myself. I needed to get the hell out of there.To wake up and have it be just a bad dream.

I did try to sneak out, but the nurse caught me, so I told her I was just looking for a clock and if she knew what the time was. They took a lot of blood, which made me woozy and more tired. And now the head of the OB/GYN department at McMaster is supposed to call me today so I can go and have her check me out.

I should be napping right now, but I can't freaking relax. I can't stop thinking.Everytime I close my eyes, all I see is a dead baby. I know I should take their advice and relax and stay calm, but I can't. I'm probably raising my blood pressure even more,aren't I ? All I want is to have a healthy baby, and to be healthy myself. In 2008.. is that too much to ask for ? Or are we still, with the curse of Eve, dropping of like flies or suffering to the point of illness just to bring a new life into the world ?